A Rough Day - Is This My New Normal?

It's only 9a and its a rough day already. I'm hurting all over, running a mild fever, tremors are really bad, and my kidneys really hurt - both sides this time. Is this what I have to look forward too? I'm not sure I can do this. I keep thinking that I am going to get this thing under control and that will be that. Life back to normal. But maybe this is normal. Maybe these days of wanting nothing more than crawling back into bed with some of the really good pain meds is my new normal. I'm not sure I can do this. This cannot be my new normal.

And the anxiety. I keep wondering if I am sick enough that I need to call the doctor or is this just part of the disease process. I'm trying to figure out if I've got the same symptoms that landed me in the hospital or am I being paranoid? Is this part of my new normal? The paranoia that something is really wrong and I'm ignoring it and the anxiety that comes with that?

I keep telling myself that I am fine and I see the doctor in 2 weeks. I can wait it out. I just need to finish what needs to be done today and head home. The problem is that there is lots to be done today. I'm trying to slow down but sometimes life just won't let me. I have to keep working. I can't afford not to work and I can't afford to lose my insurance. I tried working part time but there was full time work to be done. I might as well go back to full time and earn the vacation time so that I have it when I need it. I try to convince myself it is just the heat. And with the AC at the house not working right, the house is hot. Its wearing me out and I'm not sleeping as well as I should be. I should just take the sleeping meds every night, but I hate to do that.

It is just a really bad day. And this is not the day I need this. Too much going on that I have to be "on" for. This is so hard.